FACING REALITY

'I still can't believe you're single,'jokes Patrick. Is it that you're not interested in anyone or you haven't found someone? He goes on. ' I haven't found myself yet,' i replied slowly.

Let's talk about moving on.

Some may find it easy but it's not and there's no shortcut to make the pain go away soon. However, it won't last forever. Soon you will move on and there's no looking back. You'll end up a better person when you handle this situation properly.

A failed relationship can cause self- doubt, feeling of worthlessness and fear of loving again. We tend to drown in episodes that will make us push everyone away because of trust issues or even insecurities.

Some will tell you it's time you got over your relationship because it's been long enough and that you need to find someone new. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean finding someone else. Did anyone say being single is illegal? You can move on and still be single, as long as you have erased everything from the past. Hurtful experiences, ones that emotionally reset our lives, leave us with two choices: open up more or close down. It's so unfortunate that i chose to close down completely, though, the braver choice and the one that will allow new things to enter your life is to open up. Give yourself a new and different opportunity to leave it behind.

Moving on doesn't take a day. It takes alot of little steps to be able to break free off your broken self. Breakups can be hard and painful but it is a normal part of life. Don't let it destroy you. Don't let  your emotions dictate how you should live your life, because you could expect your decisions to be irrational. It must be mind over matter.

Loving someone doesn't mean you should be with them. It also doesn't mean that they're good for you. Face this reality squarely. You can have a happy life, even with great sorrow in your heart, even while carrying loss. Physically, your body is probably going fine and it's only your mind that has the problem. Facing the truth is difficult and life may feel more painful, yet perhaps also more peaceful, because conflict with it is reduced.

Iam not a motivational speaker but i hope this sinks in. Taylor Swift once said; when someone hurts you, it's okay to cry a river, but don't forget to build a bridge over it.

WHEN STAYING HOME IS EVEN MORE DANGEROUS

As more children around the nation are now forced to stay home due to strict quarantine regulations, the risk of physical abuse is greater. Any type of crisis can put children at an increased risk for abuse and neglect. Well, everybody is going through something right now, both parents and children. Parents are under so much stress but then there's also the financial hardships and may end up letting out their anger on their little ones. All in all, this shouldn't be a reason to abuse children.

 

p
Photo courtesy: Pintrest

Some children would open up to their teachers if anything happened at home but right now they have literally no one to run to. Advocates say awareness is even more urgent because of how many children may be quarantined at home with an abuser. Stress and tensions at home related to school closures, economic uncertainty and even job loss are all possible triggers for abusers. Home isolation, however vital to the fight against the pandemic, is giving still more power to the abusers.

Besides child abuse,movement restrictions may be making violence in homes more frequent, more severe and more dangerous. Violence has very many effects, besides physical injury it may lead to PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.Most people who go through traumatic events may have temporary difficulty adjusting and coping, but with time and good self-care, they usually get better.

 

Photo courtesy: Pintrest

Isolation is a key component of intimate partner violence and due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many have been left hopeless. Knowing that you have a loved one exposed to such, you need to help them. Keep on communication to them frequently and checking up on them. Let people know that while they may feel isolated and abandoned, they do have friends out there. Don't judge or make them regret being in such situations. We all have friends and family and that support can be what gets someone through a violent relationship.

Borderline Personality Disorder

The first day i met Mercy, i knew she was a blessing in my life. Cheerful, loving, fun with a star like smile and beautiful ocean eyes. She was calm and everything i said made her happy. Though things changed abruptly when she got into an argument with her sister. I was shocked at how she couldn't handle her emotions. She cried endlessly and was shaking all through. After talking to her, everything changed and she was back to being the noisy girl i had met first. That is when i knew Mercy had a problem.

        

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. Includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.

Having a relationship with someone who has feelings that don't have a basis in your own reality can be very difficult. You may feel as if you are speaking past your loved one. Mercy would tend to be quiet when she talks to someone with great importance in her life because she fears that her words would go beyond.

An essential part of loving someone with borderline personality disorder is realizing that you cannot fix them. You can have a close, loving, meaningful relationship and provide invaluable support but you cannot heal their illness. Watching Mercy struggle with deep inner turmoil, and experiencing such profound rawness of emotion breaks my heart. As much as i would really like to help Mercy, all i could do is show her love and be by her side everytime she breaks down.

At times Mercy would go deep in her feelings mostly when she is alone. With BPD, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have a long and lasting friendship and relationship.

Most common triggers are relationship triggers and interpersonal distress. Many people with BPD experience intense fear and anger, impulsive behavior, self-harm, and even suicidality in the wake of relationship events that make them feel either rejected, criticised or abandoned. When i found out that Mercy would hurt herself sometimes i did not judge her or lecture her on what is right or wrong. People tend to use different ways to deal with stress or depression and worst thing you can do is judging their own. Don't try convincing them that they are wrong, in fact, doing so will likely make feel attacked and they will likely respond by pushing you away.

         

There are many people in the world who have Mercy's condition and all of them need help. Medication is provided but mostly show them they are loved because they will know they are worth of living. Praying everyday that Mercy overcomes everything and comes out as the strong girl i know she is.

Maintaining Sanity in Quarantine

For the past two months the world has been battling a heavy pandemic of the Covid-19. Governments have taken measures to quarantine those exposed to the virus. In addition, those negative are advised to stay home and quarantine themselves. However, quarantine has a serious effect on mental health.

Before shaming others for going to the park or labelling staying indoors as a 'minor inconvenience' as has happened on twitter, know that medical quarantine and isolation in general, is associated with serious mental health effects.

Whether in quarantine or not, anxieties are only worsened by confusion and social judgement as people try to figure out the appropriate response. This may be, a sense of community and connection with others and purpose of effectiveness. Trying to create all this while in quarantine, whether by skyping friends, assigning yourself structured work or exercised indoors or making dance videos as seen in most Kenyans who have actually been making use of Tiktok. All this can help keep the mind active.

However, things are different for those in restricted quarantine. Kenyans who are in government designated mandatory quarantine sites have described how they are coping with life in isolation.

Some, who are housed in government-owned schools and colleges, have told local broadcasters that the crowding and sharing of washrooms and bathrooms is exposing them to the risk of contracting Coronavirus.

The government placed all people who had arrived in the country during the last few days before international flights were stopped in mandatory quarantine at their cost.

More measures should be taken to make sure those in quarantine stay protected and healthy. One may actually go into quarantine healthy but due to poor and inadequate resources, they might come out testing positive. This may be the main reason why the Covid-19 cases keep on increasing day by day. We stay positive everyday praying that this global pandemic will come to an end!

Above all, let us obey and stay home but most importantly, STAY SANE!

Positives and negatives of the standard gauge railway

Being the largest transport infrasructure project in the country since independence, the Standard Gauge Railway has brought many benefits to the Kenyan economy.

      

Madaraka express

By providing a fast, efficient and reliable mode of transportation, the SGR cargo trains help decongest the port of Mombasa by ensuring goods that arrive at the port are moved to the destination without delays.

The SGR enables passangers to enjoy a faster and cheaper journey compared to the eight hour bus trips between Nairobi and Mombasa

It has also brought about job creations. Starting with individuals employed in the construction sector, to the staff from diverse professional backgrounds working at the 33 stations and in the passenger and cargo rolling stock, the project has generated numerous job opportunities.

            

  SGR during construction

Due to the construction, there is increased industralization of the high demand of materials like cement, steel, stone, glass required for construction of the line and stations.

Tourism, being the main contributor to the Kenyan revenue, has been improved .The route via Nairobi- Mombasa has catchy scenes especially Tsavo National Park has boosted the number of international tourists visiting.

The SGR has reduced the number of heavy trucks on the road, reducing the number of accidents. It has also reduced the wear and tear of roads hence reducing road maitenance cost.

Despite the many benefits, the Standard Gauge Railway has it's negative impacts.

The positive aspects of the SGR have brought market disruption and caused loss of income for trucks and bus owners and job loss for turn boys and truck leaders.

The small businesses between towns that are heavily reliant on trucks and buses are in danger, of economic downfall as establishments like hotels and lodgings collapse due to lack of customers.

The SGR caused involuntary resettlement. During construction, some residents were forced to relocate. Well resettlement because of infrastructure development is a common phenomenon in Kenya. Although there is compensation, relocation to a new location is hard even with adequate compensation.

FEARS BEHIND THE DEADLY VIRUS

In February 2020, as fears of a world wide COVID-19 pandemic caused by a new corona virus from China spread across the globe, many Western news outlets began running stories suggestion the popular Mexican brand of beer called Corona due to their mistakenly connecting it with the corona virus. Now this is funny. A clear trope that suggests people are dumb that they think the beer and the virus are connected.

     

Some believe that China created this virus so as to use it against the Iranians during the World War III. All this backfired when the virus became stronger than the cure. Well this is just a myth . Others believe that the virus was spread by animals like cats and dogs. We are not sure.

     

Reportedly, Corona has caused 200 deaths in Italy and approximately 49 people died in 24hours. Over 684 cases in Germany and 206 cases in United Kingdom. 197 deaths exceed in China causing over 100,000 deaths globally. China exports fall by 17% hence a big loss to the Chinese government. This is causing fear as we breathe and meet people daily knowing it can get to us anytime.

There was a corona virus scare in Narok Eastsub-county because of Chinese nationals who were involved in a construction project. Residents feared because the nationals were seen with masks and hence suspected that they had the virus. They were quarantined at one of the Standard Gauge Railway construction sites.

The Government may seem to be promising in ensuring the safety of the citizens, buh how sure are we that the virus is not in our midst? It may be the biggest fear in most countries especially when you realize that life must go on and you don't really know when or how it comes. ' Don't touch your eyes, mouth and nose' is all they say. Will this practice really help prevent us from getting the virus?

This issue has really left many question marks as we just move hoping and praying all will be well and that we will stay healthy.

THE UNTOLD SECRETS OF CAMPUS LIFE

Have you ever thought how your dream city is like? Most of us have a fantasy about a city abroad that we have heard of or even seen in pictures. We only think about the luxury and the good things we hear about the city. But have you ever thought about how bad things could get when you actually go there?
While in highschool, we were told about how campus life is fun and all because you get to travel, make new friends, have all the freedom you want and nature your talents and skills. SCAM!!


Campus life is not as easy as it may seem. A lot of things happen in campus that people do not know about. Nowadays tragic deaths at universities are not taken seriously.
I talked to Alice, a 4th year student who seemed to be bitter about the happenings.


"Whatever happens in those hostels cannot be described. It is a whole practise of homosexuality and prostitution. Girls are desperate to get money that they'd rather date any man who can spoil them, some even qualify to be their parents. All this is caused by peer pressure and probably hanging out with the wrong people." Says Alice

Cases of unprotected sex as a result of intoxication are rampant, with many girls in most cases being too drunk to give consent for sex. We all know unprotected sex can lead to pregnancies, and even sexually transmitted diseases. It's  obvious that no one wants their peers or folks to know that they are pregnant hence leading to abortion or suicide.

"These girls are just naïve and probably lonely. Imagine leaving home, your parents knowing that you're going to school to learn but instead you are somebody's wife. Watu wanadanganyana uku nje and clearly that boy will not even marry you." Alice adds.
Campus relationships are the most toxic ones because there is alot of manipulation and these girls are only treated a 'sex toys'.

These innocent girls do not deserve this surprise. They should be prepared so as to know what exactly is in store for them when they go to campus. Just tell them 'Ni kubaya'.

Honestly, many things happen in campus starting off with drugs, being the main issue. Nevertheless, campus life is exactly how you take it and how you want to live it. Be your own person. Have all the fun you want but make sure it does not over power your purpose at the university. As they say, You only live once, but don't mess up your life at a young age.

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, but for the most parts a good relationship makes you feel secure, happy while toxic relationships make you feel drained and depleted.  Instead of feeling happy, you’re always mentally,  emotional and even physically drained.

Toxic relationships are characterised by behaviours on the part of toxic partner that are not frequently, physically damaging to their partner.

Technically, toxic relationship behaviours are the result of lack of empathy. Toxic behaviour represents an inability of refusing to feel genuine understanding, compassion and love for the other person. It’s like demanding your partner to live up to your expectations, or refusing to see things from their perspective.

How do you notice that someone is toxic?

  -You’re emotionally affected by their drama

  -You fear being around them with the sense that they boss you around or make you feel inferior which lowers your self esteem.

 -You always try to care for them or fix their messed up life

 -You tend to blame yourself every time there is a problem between you.

Toxic relationships can be saved, only if both people are committed to working on it. The toxic one will always be manipulative just to keep the other one around for their own benefits. It takes a lot of energy to move on from a toxic relationship but once you are out, you get to have your peace of mind. The best advice to give to someone in a toxic relationship is to tell them to quit. As much as you try you will always feel like you are never enough. Sometimes we need to be selfish and consider ourselves first before anyone else. You don’t have to force anything for it to work. My county people say ‘SI MUST’ which makes a lot of sense if you’ve been through a toxic relationship.

KIBARANI DUMPSITE GOES GREEN

Mombasa being one of the major cities in Kenya, it is also a tourist attraction site, educational centre, an industrial and administrative centre. We all know that it was once among the dirtiest places because of the big dumpsite at Kibarani.

Kibarani before..photo courtesy:hivisasa.com

Those who have travelled by bus knew that particular spot where you had to hold your breathe because of the stench. The County government has defended its decisions to use artificial turf in efforts to reclaim the Kibarani Seafront dumpsite. The ground which was closed last year after being in operation for 50 years, has been beautified with the statues of different species of animals.

turning kibarani.Photo by:hivisasa.com

turned kibarani.Photo by The Standard news paper

The park has a playground for children and a good place to relax. Flags from all the African countries are lined up next to the park as a way of unity. The former dumpsite had a big transformation as we can see that NRG, a famous radio station hosted artists from Tanzania and Kenya to entertain the residents of Mombasa at the 31^st of December 2019 during the Governor’s Fireworks.

Governor's Fireworks Mombasa..Photo By Pulse Live Kenya

If you are looking for a place to take your family for a relaxation and fun, try out Kibarani Children’s Park.